Finally almost a year after my last real entry I am sitting
down to restart my blog. It is an incredible thing how much one year can change
your entire life. There are several reasons I have not written, the primary
reason I believe is a prerequisite to my writing was predominantly a cigarette in
one hand and either a coffee or glass of wine or something stronger in the
other; And as I am now pregnant I have done little of both. I wander if
creativity goes hand in hand with addiction, as all the writers and creative’s
I know generally have a problem with one or both! So as I sit not quite chewing
nicotine gum and drinking iced tea I have forced myself to start again.
So there’s one dramatic change which was not even conceived
of this time last year the impending arrival of now, 7 months old inside me -My
fiancée and I’s first child. Secondly I am sitting on a huge terrace in a
beautiful house in The Provence region of France overlooking an olive grove
with Cannes in the distance and if I can’t write and express myself here then I
can no longer have a romantic notion of being a writer.
So I will now write as I have 6 weeks mostly alone as Ryan
(fiancée) is working in Rio and I wish to take you again on a journey and
whoever reads this, even if it is just myself I feel putting my thoughts and
words out into the ether will once again encourage me to keep living my dreams
and writing my thoughts.
For a while I was very consumed with how I was going to
carry on. Would I be a good mother? More importantly would I be a good wife? I
realise to be a good parent family values are core and I have never until this
point committed to someone and the sudden realisation I had to was daunting. Also
where would we live? While I enjoyed studying in Orkney it was not somewhere I
could see myself being long term and Ryan is Orcadian through and through and I
now had one inside me! By living on an island far away from everything, I
realised I miss people. And, actually a busy Camilla was a happy Camilla and a
small community could in no way ever be enough to quench my appetite for life
and love of diversity. While I respect other people know no different or seek
the solitude of island life personally I felt suffocated. So for various
reasons we moved to France temporarily until we worked out a plan of how we
would like to live but also where we be best for us together as parents to
be..........
Instead of “what to expect when expecting” I am going to
start writing “how to expect the unexpected!”
you're still a mother and you are a great one!
ReplyDeletexx