Sunday, July 22, 2012

New beginnings to last a lifetime....

Finally almost a year after my last real entry I am sitting down to restart my blog. It is an incredible thing how much one year can change your entire life. There are several reasons I have not written, the primary reason I believe is a prerequisite to my writing was predominantly a cigarette in one hand and either a coffee or glass of wine or something stronger in the other; And as I am now pregnant I have done little of both. I wander if creativity goes hand in hand with addiction, as all the writers and creative’s I know generally have a problem with one or both! So as I sit not quite chewing nicotine gum and drinking iced tea I have forced myself to start again.

So there’s one dramatic change which was not even conceived of this time last year the impending arrival of now, 7 months old inside me -My fiancée and I’s first child. Secondly I am sitting on a huge terrace in a beautiful house in The Provence region of France overlooking an olive grove with Cannes in the distance and if I can’t write and express myself here then I can no longer have a romantic notion of being a writer.

So I will now write as I have 6 weeks mostly alone as Ryan (fiancée) is working in Rio and I wish to take you again on a journey and whoever reads this, even if it is just myself I feel putting my thoughts and words out into the ether will once again encourage me to keep living my dreams and writing my thoughts.

For a while I was very consumed with how I was going to carry on. Would I be a good mother? More importantly would I be a good wife? I realise to be a good parent family values are core and I have never until this point committed to someone and the sudden realisation I had to was daunting. Also where would we live? While I enjoyed studying in Orkney it was not somewhere I could see myself being long term and Ryan is Orcadian through and through and I now had one inside me! By living on an island far away from everything, I realised I miss people. And, actually a busy Camilla was a happy Camilla and a small community could in no way ever be enough to quench my appetite for life and love of diversity. While I respect other people know no different or seek the solitude of island life personally I felt suffocated. So for various reasons we moved to France temporarily until we worked out a plan of how we would like to live but also where we be best for us together as parents to be..........

Instead of “what to expect when expecting” I am going to start writing “how to expect the unexpected!”