Sunday, July 22, 2012

New beginnings to last a lifetime....

Finally almost a year after my last real entry I am sitting down to restart my blog. It is an incredible thing how much one year can change your entire life. There are several reasons I have not written, the primary reason I believe is a prerequisite to my writing was predominantly a cigarette in one hand and either a coffee or glass of wine or something stronger in the other; And as I am now pregnant I have done little of both. I wander if creativity goes hand in hand with addiction, as all the writers and creative’s I know generally have a problem with one or both! So as I sit not quite chewing nicotine gum and drinking iced tea I have forced myself to start again.

So there’s one dramatic change which was not even conceived of this time last year the impending arrival of now, 7 months old inside me -My fiancée and I’s first child. Secondly I am sitting on a huge terrace in a beautiful house in The Provence region of France overlooking an olive grove with Cannes in the distance and if I can’t write and express myself here then I can no longer have a romantic notion of being a writer.

So I will now write as I have 6 weeks mostly alone as Ryan (fiancée) is working in Rio and I wish to take you again on a journey and whoever reads this, even if it is just myself I feel putting my thoughts and words out into the ether will once again encourage me to keep living my dreams and writing my thoughts.

For a while I was very consumed with how I was going to carry on. Would I be a good mother? More importantly would I be a good wife? I realise to be a good parent family values are core and I have never until this point committed to someone and the sudden realisation I had to was daunting. Also where would we live? While I enjoyed studying in Orkney it was not somewhere I could see myself being long term and Ryan is Orcadian through and through and I now had one inside me! By living on an island far away from everything, I realised I miss people. And, actually a busy Camilla was a happy Camilla and a small community could in no way ever be enough to quench my appetite for life and love of diversity. While I respect other people know no different or seek the solitude of island life personally I felt suffocated. So for various reasons we moved to France temporarily until we worked out a plan of how we would like to live but also where we be best for us together as parents to be..........

Instead of “what to expect when expecting” I am going to start writing “how to expect the unexpected!”

Thursday, January 19, 2012

Friday, January 13, 2012

Remembering John Eccles

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There is light to be found in the dark,

And strength in being able to start,

There are memories which will always stay,

And heavens gates will open to you I pray.

You will be missed every time I look to Hoy,

And I will always smile with fond memories and joy,

Your son will become a brother of mine,

And I will take care of him and ensure he’s fine.

I will miss you but you will stay in my heart

And live on and never depart

I will never forget the stories you told,

And now in my memory you will never grown old.

Saturday, August 6, 2011

Summit 30th.... The goal is in sight!

Life such a funny and fragile thing, from the moment we are born our destiny is to die but what we do in between is the difference between living, and a life.

When you lose yourself, you forget who you are or where you came from with no true direction or knowledge of where north is. And then when you find your compass and maps you see a direction and for a long time is feels right. The green lights are flashing and being true to yourself in the dead of night you know you are on the right path.

I have been blessed in having this contentment for the last year. To finding a small island which accepted me for who I was, but didn’t know or understand the depth; And I was happy for them to see that surface.

Things are changing now and different doors are opening. I know I was destined to do great things with my life and to live it. I am at another cross roads......... Perhaps climbing another mountain metaphorically and physically will answer these questions......... Kilimanjaro for my 30th birthday!

Monday, June 27, 2011